part 2

One of the hardest parts for me is that EVERYONE will have their advice and answers for you even if they don't know the factor in your infertility. Everyone will tell you what to get checked, that they struggled for 4 months to get pregnant so they get it (hey, when you want a baby, you want a baby... I do get that), that you need to eat more and it will work, that you have to get on clomid, that you should just stop stressing and go on a vacation.... It is so hard to always have people tell you what to do and not necessarily support what you ARE doing. We had been going to our doctor for 8 months and people were still saying we should get things checked out that we did the very first week.

Some other crazy things people have told me: stop wasting my money and just adopt a baby, I should be grateful that I can't get pregnant because at least I won't have stretch marks and can keep my body, we should be grateful we can sleep when we want, and go on dates when we want and not have to do the babysitter thing, we are so young so why is it a big deal, had someone tell me they assumed we were getting a divorce because we didn't have any kids, that we were making it a bigger deal of it than it really is... I don't get it, but really people just need support... they don't need you to come up with a solution.

One of the most important things about going through this whole thing is to have a support system. Have people there who get it, who will listen to you, who will just be there for you. I couldn't do it alone, I needed people to talk to, I needed to get my feelings out there... not necessarily to get answers or advice, but to just have someone listen. I do not think people who haven't experienced infertility necessarily understand what you are going through, and they don't have to as long as they try to be supportive.

Coby has always been so helpful. He used to get really frustrated when I would cry just for a good cry and I really didn't have a reason for it (pre-fertility), but he has let me have my days where I cry and he just rubs my back, or gives me space, or lets me be sad and tells me it will be ok. Guys definitely deal with things differently than girls. Coby didn't need to always talk about how he was feeling, and fertility is so different between guys and girls too. If it's a male factor or female factor, the girl is normally the one who needs to take all the meds. It kind of runs your life; the girl has the drs appts, has to track her cycle, and has all the hormones, and the meds that add to the hormone craze. For the man, your body doesn't go through so much... it's just different.

I had an amazing support group. I don't know what I would have done without family and a few of my girlfriends that have ALWAYS been there for me. I had Chelsee who had gone through it, been successful, and had known all sides of it. Our fertility is totally different and we went through different things, but she's been there. I know if I called Chels she would get it, but she would also tell it to me straight. She knew the routine, the odds, and would be so hopeful with me and positive, but also let me know that odds weren't good and it usually took a few tries. I knew that if I needed to hear the truth, she would always listen and bring me back from letting my hopes get too crazy out of control.

Sunny was always there to listen to me, and give me sympathetic support. Sunny has never had fertility struggles. She doesn't know what it feels like, but that girl has always understood my feelings and where I was coming from. I knew if I just needed a listening ear and someone to tell me that I could do it and how horrible this thing was that I was going through, I could talk to her. If I just wanted to vent and not really hear anything in return, she got that. She never pushed a response on me or ever made me feel like I was making our situation bigger than it was. I can't tell you how many times this girl brought me dinner on a day that we got bad news, or I was on lots of meds and just wasn't feeling great. One time when I was getting ready for a procedure and she knew I had to stay healthy she cooked a meal for us and wore latex gloves the whole time JUST to make sure we didn't get sick. haha

My sister got it. She knows what it's like to desperately want a baby and it just isn't happening. Our situations are different... but she gets it. When we got bad news, she would text me to let me know she was thinking of me, but wouldn't call right away because she knew I just needed time. So many times she told me if I needed a break they'd fly me up to spend time with her babies... oh man I love those babies of hers. She also helped us financially and let us know that whatever we ended up with, a baby of our own... adoption... that baby was meant to be ours. It would all end up ok.

I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends would text me often just asking if I was ok, if I needed anything, if I needed to go out for a break... anything. A support system is important and I have been so blessed with some amazing people in my life that know me and know exactly what I need and when.